Required Journal Entry 4: Revising
This journal entry requires you to review the rough draft of the essay that follows. As you analyze the draft according to each of the areas listed, identify what needs revision. For each area, explain why and how you would change the draft. (4 paragraphs, 5 sentences each)
Analyze the essay’s
• Purpose and audience
• Thesis statement, topic sentences, and paragraphs • Evidence
Rough Draft: E-mail vs. Letters
Instead of using e-mails, mail a letter to your grandparents, an aunt or uncle, or another role model who’s older than you are. We live in a fast-paced world. We use computers to send e-mails and instant messages. Some, though, don’t live in that time zone. Forget all the fonts, emoticons, and abbreviations like LOL. You point and click, but some people want to hold something, unwrap a letter, and smell it. A crayoned picture smells and feels special; no scanner can do that. People’s senses want to be used. We live in a physical world, not an invisible one. People can touch some- thing that’s mailed. Sometimes it’s as if touching the ink or pencil on paper helps them touch the writer. A picture can be held and used in so many ways. For example, I get to see how my grand- kids’ handwriting is changing as they grow. I know how they feel just from the way they write the words.
A letter gives someone the real thing. A letter exists in time and space. Even if someone e-mails you regularly, the surprise of a mailed letter provides something to cherish rather than to be deleted. Of course, they may like getting through the Internet a photograph of you on the day of a special event. However, a printed photograph can be put into an album or used for a bookmark or posted on the refrigerator for regular review. They don’t have to worry about color cartridges or paper because you’ve given them what they need in the mail. Though they may have a hard time reading your handwriting, a letter is a tangible way to remind them that you care enough to take the time and effort to communicate with them and them alone.
The convenience and efficiency of computers can’t be matched by regular postal service. However, they sometimes bleep and blurp in a frustrating conversation, one that older persons can’t always hear or understand. One wrong click here and another there can mean mass destruction. They may get a paper cut from your letter, but even sucking on a finger while reading makes their experience more memorable and satisfying. The cut heals; the letter remains alive.